Now is this a direct result of the meeting... maybe. Is Dixie sending them a message about how much editing they do by not doing it one night? God, I hope so. I hope this kind of shoddy work is not going to be the norm.
It was hard to sit through and will be hard to relive as I type this... I will have violent flashbacks I'm sure during these writings. This is the terror I put myself through for you, the reader.
We start with the new power rankings, which mean absolutely nothing and are as contrived as any other system ever put in place by any member of management ever.
10) Tob Rerry; 9) The Pope; 8) Kurt Angle; 7) Hernandez; 6) AJ Styles; 5) Jay Lethal; 4) Fatty Joe; 3) Ken Anderson; 2) Matt Hardy's brother; 1) Mick Foley 2.0.
Despite losing to RVD at the PPV in a four-way, Abyss is still the number 1 contender and stars the show with his new girlfriend Janice (the nail board) and a side of beef. During the entire segment all I could think about was that I hoped they changed the ring mat after that huge slab of meat was in the middle.
No one in their right mind would want to wrestle on the canvas after that thing was in there... and then, Abyss ate some of the raw meat... so there's that.
It was a terrible segment that accomplished nothing and Abyss broke his girlfriend in half... there's a joke there but I'm not low brow enough to use it.
I've seen chick fights and in chick fights (especially street fights) there is a lot of pulling hair and gouging with nails. If I was watching a street fight between girls, this is what I would expect, those are the dirty tactics that girls use.
Taylor Wilde vs. Sarita (Street Fight) - Wilde and Sarita seemed lost and confused the whole time, neither one wanting to hit the other one with anything but were told they had to. You can tell their is literally NO animosity between these two because they didn't want to do anything to hurt the other one. This went on way to long and to no point. I still don't know who turned on who, or why, or why I care. They were better as a tag team and TNA should've left well enough alone. And if that was my purse (read: my wife's purse) and I was in the crowd, I'd be pissed. At the end, the crowd felt like me: confused and wanting their life back.
Ms. Teschmacher (or however the hell you spell it) is on the phone talking about something stupid that no one cares about and are just trying to see her adminispheres (was that too much, it felt forced). I think Kevin Nash is going to have sex with her though, so that's punishment enough.
Brian Kendrick vs. Douglas Williams (I Quit Match) - Okay, another gimmick match. I know, I know, I said I like them on TV. It's my fault, I did it. I asked and now I will get them. But I'd like them to make sense. Dougy-Doug beat the BK Value Meal at the PPV so why does Spanky get another shot at Doug... because TNA has no hope for any other X-Division member... or Spanky has guaranteed money coming to him so they figure they better use him.
There was a lot of miscommunication in this match and for the record if someone kicks you in the "back of the head" you shouldn't fall down on your back, it's awkward. Either way, this was a let down. But I think Kevin Nash is going to have sex with Spank though, so that's punishment enough.
Nash vs. Jarrett, I'd pay money not to see that.
Desmond Wolfe vs. The Freakizoid Tob Rerry vs. Fatty Joe - Okay, this could be good... maybe... Magnus is on commentating and the whole time is salivating over Chelsea, I can't blame him, but seriously keep away from my girl Brutus. Wolfe plays a comic foil in this match, a sad place for him to be after coming in and dominating against the likes of Kurt Angle not that long ago. It just goes to show that politics mean more in this business than talent. Joe spent more time outside catching his breath than the mermaids that use to perform at the Aquarena Center in San Marcos (boy there is a mention... anyone who has seen it raise their hands, it was cool!).
Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money, Inc. (Ladder Match, best of 5 series) - Okay... another gimmick... with no point. MCMG won at the PPV, granted it was after a restart, but that isn't why you have a best of 5 series. If this is where they wanted it to lead, they should've had both refs count and each one award one belt to a member of MCMG and one belt to BMI (Body mass index?). Then we could've had a best of 5 to decide. As it stands the MCMGs will hold the belts through to the end.
And by the way, if you could choose any match you wanted when you won the contract, wouldn't you choose a handicap match. I'm pretty sure that would give me a better advantage than a Street Fight.
TNA has hired Gallager to join the main roster, and already he makes more per appearance than any female wrestler on their roster.
Matt Morgan vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero - This could be good, two talented young guys who are both hungry to impress management and have some ring time together to show off both of their stre--- oh wait, it's done. Morgan took a Codebreaker and the pin, then stood up immediately to beat down Pope. Anderson made the save which made everything think he was going to beat on Pope but he didn't, proving again that he really is a good guy now... no really... honestly... why are you laughing?
Velvet and Lacey wearing too much clothing yell at each other backstage for no real reason. Madison Rayne is suing TNA for the decision to take her title at the PPV (shouldn't she sue Panda Energy, they have all the money?). Velvet is angry and we know that because she says bad words and yells. Madison is angry as well. Angelina comes out and tries to make it work but Sky won't shut up long enough for it to happen.
Velvet leaves, Angelina is beaten down by Madison and the "mysterious" woman (Tara) and Lacey looks on like a deer in headlights.
Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy - Lethal beats the hell out of Hardy but since he is the golden boy he will get the win. He shouldn't Jay should, keep him on the roll, he's hot (not in the sexy kind of way) and they should let his fire burn, let him get some narrow victories, it's good for him.
Flair announces that Kaz and Styles are in the Flair Four and Desmond whines about not going in.
Abyss comes out and soon RVD and the ECW guys finally make a move, coming in and beating down Abyss which makes little sense if they are the them that he keeps talking about (oh God I sound like TNA).
The ending was okay but it was hard to see who was on what side. RVD looked like he was mostly fighting with the ECW guys against TNA, Al Snow and Devon too, but it was hard to see.
Dixie put a stop to it all by politely asking them to stop after the cops tried to break it up... get that woman some riot gear and send her to LA, it'll be the cleanest city within a week.
Make sure you check out Larry Stanley and John Conner every Tuesday on Show Stoppers on BigBadSportsDaddy.com and make sure you read J-Call's Raw Blog every Tuesday as well.
Stay tuned for more information from Metroplex Wrestling on MetroplexWrestling.com and come out and support local wrestling, live, July 31st in Bedford for MPX High Anxiety!
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